When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
