Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
