Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
