He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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