Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I smell like Dick and happiness
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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