All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
