A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Sorry about my life...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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