he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
