so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Randomize
