So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
