It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
