Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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