I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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