so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
