feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
