chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
