Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
