Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
