Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
