What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
