I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
