plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
