he puts the penis in happiness.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
