Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
