dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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