I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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