If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
