Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The air was thick with penises
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Randomize
