Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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