if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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