I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
