If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
