Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
