I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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