I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
