i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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