my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
