I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
