You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
