what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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