I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i will never coherently bang her
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
