I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
