My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
