I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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