Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
