Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
