he fucked my hip out of place.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
How does one acquire holy water?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
