i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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