Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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