We're facebook friends in real life
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
