This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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