he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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